Quality Time: Eli Style

Eli has a bit of a cold.  Which means lots of coughing, drooling, and crankiness.  It's nothing compared to what it was like from August to November.  Those months are going going to live in infamy in our family.  Just like the day the Steelers lost to the Cowboys in the Superbowl.  Or possibly the day Twinkies stopped being made. 

But this time Eli just has a typical baby cold. 

I look miserable, but this is a piece of cake.

Who knew that your kid could be sick, and it didn't have to be catastrophic with multiple trips to the doctor per week?! 

At any rate, I thought I'd teach Eli how to make himself feel better.  It's something I have done since I was a kid: I fire up some video games.  Nothing works better than taking your mind off being sick!

Eli was excited, of course.  He's a big fan of Xbox controllers, TV Remotes, phones, and anything else you want to hold while he's around.  

So as I  turned on the Xbox and handed Eli a controller he laughed with anticipation.  There's no question in my mind that he's a big fan of video games.

Eli, you have to share with Daddy!

Apparently too big of a fan.

Trusting God Admist Heartbreak

 
Miscarriage. Something I never thought Eric & I would be faced with.

When Eric and I found out we were expecting #3, I think we were both a little nervous. We wanted nothing more than a healthy baby. Who could really blame us after everything we had gone through with Eli?  

I have prided myself on the ability to get pregnant easily and deliver my babies just as easily. A few pushes and sometimes a literal laugh and I would be happily holding my new bundle of joy.

Afterall, I have always felt, I was born to be a mother. Born to make babies. Something that has always felt second nature to me. I had always assumed, once I got pregnant, I would stay pregnant. I haven't ever miscarried a baby. My body loves making babies and I love being pregnant. 

Yet, last Friday morning, I found myself in the OB office getting an ultra sound confirming my worst fear. We lost the baby.

Once I left the doctors office, it wasn't until around 2:00 that I was aware of the Sandy Hook tragedy. My mind was spinning. How do parents find hope when they are faced with losing a child?

God. And the hope that God brings.

Eric and I have experienced God's redemptive qualities time and time again through our experience with Eli. Our marriage is better for what we have gone through with Eli. We have had a front row seat to some amazing miracles!  We never have to doubt God's presence in our life and whether God is really real.

He has made His presence known.

Through this miscarriage, I have been now been given the gift of being able to relate to the 1 out of about every 3 pregnant women who miscarry.
 
Even though my faith in being able to carry any more children has been shaken, I know with God anything is possible.

Even though my heart feels like it is broken into a million tiny pieces, I know God's heart is breaking too.

I have faith that God is going to redeem this experience and turn it into something amazing.

It's our job, to keep our faith and hope in Him.

God’s Not Done With You Yet

Dealing with a kid with a disability is a grueling, non-stop job. And while there are many things far, far worse than club foot, it’s not exactly a walk in the park (no pun intended). Every day, Heather and I feel the burden of Eli’s club foot diagnosis. And while I’d like to say we fly through it without issues, I’d be lying. It puts a strain on our marriage, wakes us up in the middle of the night, and prevents us from doing “normal” things.

And while we’re thrilled with where Eli has journeyed, we’re feeling the burden.

Whenever I feel this way, I always look to the Bible to see how, as a Dad and a husband, I should be acting. (I know, that almost sounds old fashioned! But it’s the only way I know of to keep myself grounded.)

Often I find myself turning to the story of Elijah. Elijah is one of my favorite people from the Bible. In many ways he was an action hero. Not only did he spend his days confronting evil - when virtually everyone else in Israel wasn’t interested in taking a stand - he also out ran a chariot on a race back to the nearest city. But perhaps most dramatically was the time he called fire down from the sky:

Then Elijah said to all the people, “Come here to me.” They came to him, and he repaired the altar of the Lord, which had been torn down. Elijah took twelve stones, one for each of the tribes descended from Jacob, to whom the word of the Lord had come, saying, “Your name shall be Israel.” With the stones he built an altar in the name of the Lord, and he dug a trench around it large enough to hold two seahs of seed. He arranged the wood, cut the bull into pieces and laid it on the wood. Then he said to them, “Fill four large jars with water and pour it on the offering and on the wood.”

“Do it again,” he said, and they did it again.

“Do it a third time,” he ordered, and they did it the third time. The water ran down around the altar and even filled the trench.

At the time of sacrifice, the prophet Elijah stepped forward and prayed: “Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again.”

Then the fire of the Lord fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.

When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, “The Lord—he is God! The Lord—he is God!” (1 Kings 18: 30-29)

That’s pretty impressive. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t called fire down from the sky recently. So after this amazing miracle, what does Elijah do next? A few short verses later we read, “Elijah was afraid and ran for his life.” (1 Kings 19: 3)

Interesting. It’s not the message we get from Hollywood. We’re told that after you do something amazing you crack a joke. Maybe you smoke a cigarette. Heroes in our culture tell us that part of being a hero is the acceptance that doing something amazing is kind of boring. And certainly not life changing.

But the Bible paints a different picture. It shows us that in the moments following our greatest spiritual victories, we’re most likely to suffer despair. Elijah performed a miracle and stood up to an evil king. Instead of walking to the nearest bar and ordering a martini, shaken not stirred, he ran away and hid.

Heather and I feel this with Eli. It wasn’t until after Eli made it through his illnesses that we felt the toll it took. We’ve seen miracle after miracle with Eli. But the minute we got a true victory over his suffering, depression and exhaustion set in. There were no clever one-liners. No apathy. Just exhaustion.

Of course God is cool with this. He didn’t yell at Elijah. And he’s not going to yell at you. Instead, he gave Elijah rest. But in the midst of that, he reminded Elijah that his work was not done. That he couldn’t give up.

And we can’t either. God has more work in store for our family.

And he’s got more work for your family.

photo credit: jurveston

Eli's Second Pair of Dobb's Braces

It's hard enough to believe that Eli is one.  It's even harder to believe he's out grown his first set of braces.  But there we were, back in the room that started it all.

Poor thing looks so nervous :( he hates this place as much as I do!

The casting material

It's kind of sad to say good bye to the baby braces :( My little man is growing up!

It's best to feed Eli during casting to prevent screaming and figiting!

They put on a protective "sock" to keep the casting material from getting all over Eli's legs and a white smock for Daddy. You wouldn't believe how sticky that stuff is... and impossible to get off clothes!

THis kids is always eating :) And we wonder why he is so big?!

Pretty handy little contraption to prevent kids from getting cut huh?!

They make ends of the casts longer than the actual foot to make sure the AFO's have room for growing :)

After two "short" weeks we were able to pick up these beauties!

This time the brace shop gave us a choice on color. Good bye hospital white!

Eli seems to like this set much more than the last pair. I don't know if he is happy to have a more manly black brace (hahaha) or if it's because the doctors prescription called for the braces to finally start turning his feet to a more normal angle (35 degrees rather than the 70 he was at before). Whatever the reason we are thrilled!  mostly because Eli has almost started to sleep through the night! And who doesn't love a full night of sleep?!

The Year of Thanksgiving

Looking back, 2012 has been a year of hell.  Without a doubt, 2012 has been brutal.  There never been a harder year that I've lived through.  And the same goes for Heather.

But when I look back, I don't just see the misery - I see what could have been.  And how close to true disaster we were.

In the last year we've struggled with....

• Fear that his kidney's wouldn't work
• Clubfoot
• 3-months of ear infections
• bladder infections
• Chronic illness
• Being told that Eli might have Lukemia
• Blood infections
• Delays in gross and fine motor development
• And the general problems that come with dealing with a kid who has clubfoot.  (such as not sleeping through the night, pulling his braces off, and being unsure what "the problem was" when Eli was acting strangely.)

I may look innocent, but I'm just waiting until your least expect it...

Many of these we've shared here on Faith Feet & Love.

But as I said, looking back, I don't really see those problems.  That's not to say that I don't remember them.  Trust me, when your kid projectile vomits on you 3 times in one week, you don't forget!  Instead, I find myself grateful that even though we've flirted with disaster far too many times, it has given me a deeper appreciation for the wonderful things we have experienced.




For me six things stand out when I think of 2012:

The moment when Eli smiled at me for the first time.  It was at about 3:00 in the morning, and he needed to be changed.  As I laid him on the changing table, I remember him distinctly looking at me, smiling ever so slightly (one of his first smiles by the way) and sticking his tongue out at me.  (Which was a game we used to play until he was about 3 months old.)

Playing "catch" for the first time.  Okay, so he didn't really catch.  But he knew enough to throw a toy back and forth to me.

Eli's love of games.  I've never seen a kid who loves to play as many games or who loves his toys more than Eli.  No matter how miserable he's feeling, he's always up for some kind of playing.  (Even if Daddy has to carry him while he plays.)

Why limit yourself to what you can carry, when you have a mouth.

His love of cars.  I don't know where he gets it, certainly not from me.  But this kid loves to watch cars.  The bigger and louder, the better.  And if it has a lot of lights, that's just extra winning.  We thought buying a house on a busy road would be a drawback, but it's saved us through the last few months of constant illness.  No matter how sick Eli is, he always makes time to watch cars.  Even at 4 AM.

Eli's work ethic.  No one works harder than this kid.  No one.  He doesn't know what it means to give up, whether that's learning to crawl, or learning to live with casts on his legs. 

Isabel showing off the one-shoulder backpack look of "older kids"

Of course it's not just Eli we're thankful for.  Our daughter has had an up and down year as well.  At times she's struggled with school.  But other times she's been a leader to her friends.  And while she had her own rough start to 2012, she's really become an amazing kid.  With a hilarious sense of humor, and a new-found love of all things Harry Potter, she's slowly growing up.

Okay, she's actually growing up entirely too fast!  But that is a post for another day...

What A Broken Window Can Teach You

“Whenever God’s Spirit works powerfully to roll back the darkness by extending the Kingdom, you can count on the darkness pushing back, sometimes in subtle ways”  
- Stand to Reason

I think one of Christianity’s most controversial ideas isn’t the Jesus is God. Or even that Jesus rose from the dead. I think it’s that evil is real. Most people living in today’s culture (or at least western culture) find this idea almost absurd. Not only is the idea that evil is real, shocking, but to think that evil has a personality is virtually offensive.

The idea that Satan is a “person” who intentionally works in our lives to cause harm, distraction, and mayhem is virtually enough to commit us to mental institutes.

Yet, as a Christian, I believe evil is real, and that Satan is real.

Which means that sometimes when bad things happen, it’s not God or bad luck, but an intentional attack. (Makes you wonder how many times we blame God for something bad happening, when it was Satan…)

That’s where we find ourselves this week. Ever since we made a decision to give generously to our church to make a difference in the world, we’ve had a run of terrible luck. Everything from Eli’s medical problems, to financial issues, to the latest:

Yep. Heather’s car was broken into. They stole her purse, smashed a window, and most importantly, took all of her Starbucks gift cards. (Oh the humanity!)

When Heather called me to tell me that her car had been broken into, and her purse was stolen, I was enraged. I was angry at God. I was angry at myself. And I was angry at the criminals who did it. I was ready to bring out the firing line. The thought “there just aren’t enough public executions these days” may or may not have crossed my mind.

How dare someone put my wife at risk? How dare someone ruin my Sunday? How dare someone nearly force us to cancel our tip to see my parents for Thanksgiving. How dare someone cause us not to be able to pick up Eli’s new car seat, thus ensuring his safety?

All because they were drug addicts, and needed their next fix (and yes the police know who they are, but they can’t keep them locked up in jail.)

The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. And I felt justified being angry.

That’s when something even worse happened. I couldn’t suppress the story of Stephen. The very first martyr of the Christian faith. Stephen was known for his powerful speaking, and gentle manner. He was a threat to the Jews of his time, because so many people believed his testimony about Jesus.

So they killed him.

By stoning him. (The kind of stoning involving rocks, not plants.)

Few deaths are more painful than being bludgeoned by rocks. And yet in the midst of this what did Stephen do? He prayed, “God, forgive them, they know not what they do.”

Time and again as my rage swelled I thought of Stephen. I thought of his words.

It’s difficult to stay angry at drug addicts who cost you a few hundred dollars in theft and car repairs when Stephen was able to forgive people who were in the process of killing him. And while I’m not over this whole incident, I am once again learning that sometimes you don’t really “believe” in something until it’s put to the test.

In the end, Satan isn’t the only one who acts in our lives. God also moves in us, and around us. Reminding us, sometimes painfully, that life is about the choices we make.

God is With You Because You Aren't Dead

“I know that you [God] are pleased with me, for my enemy does not triumph over me.” (Psalm 41: 11)

Over the last year Heather and I have had a lot of up’s and down’s. Many of which we’ve shared on Faith Feet & Love. At first it was easy to keep hope. We knew that God loved us, and we had seen time and again the ways God had protected us and provided for us. But as time wore on, it became increasingly difficult to keep believing God was really with us, and hadn’t forgotten about our struggles.

It’s from that perspective I read David’s words in Psalm 41. And to be honest, I’ve been wrestling with that verse for the last few days. I’ve been trying to understand what it means. On the surface it sounds just like a nice thought. Yet another Bible verse meant to encourage us. But it’s actually something more than that. David wrote that Psalm in the midst of being chased out of Jerusalem in a coup attempt by his own son. That’s right, David is fleeing from his own son, because his son is trying to murder him and become the next king. And in the midst of that, David is praising God for not abandoning him.

I don’t know about you, but my first reaction was, “What?!”

That’s when I realized something - David defines “success and failure” differently than I do.

I define success as getting my way, and failure as facing obstacles or rejection. I want to give up watching the Steelers play when they aren’t up by 14 points. I know that when an election doesn’t turn out as I wanted, I’m ready to call it quits. I know when a job doesn’t come through, I want to say, “why bother?”

I’m ready to question why God has abandoned me at the slightest sign of trouble.

David on the other hand has a simpler definition of success. He defines God’s pleasure as “not being dead.”

This is hard for me to understand. How can David say that God is pleased with him when everything in his life is so terrible? How can he continue to fight? How can he continue to live?

But that’s when I realized I know someone who lives like David. And it’s Eli.

He doesn’t know defeat either. He doesn’t know quitting. He’s literally the hardest working 12-month old kid I know! And he’s had to work for everything. From sitting, to lifting his head, to crawling. None of that was easy for a kid who spent much of his life in hip-high casts. But Eli doesn’t worry about that. He just focuses on what he wants (often his toys) and goes for it. He doesn’t play the “what if’s” game. He just lives.

In his own way Eli knows that God is with him, because his enemies haven’t triumphed.

He’s not dead, so he fights.

Can I do any less as his father?