Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Trusting God Admist Heartbreak
Miscarriage. Something I never thought Eric & I would be faced with.
When Eric and I found out we were expecting #3, I think we were both a little nervous. We wanted nothing more than a healthy baby. Who could really blame us after everything we had gone through with Eli?
I have prided myself on the ability to get pregnant easily and deliver my babies just as easily. A few pushes and sometimes a literal laugh and I would be happily holding my new bundle of joy.
Afterall, I have always felt, I was born to be a mother. Born to make babies. Something that has always felt second nature to me. I had always assumed, once I got pregnant, I would stay pregnant. I haven't ever miscarried a baby. My body loves making babies and I love being pregnant.
Yet, last Friday morning, I found myself in the OB office getting an ultra sound confirming my worst fear. We lost the baby.
Once I left the doctors office, it wasn't until around 2:00 that I was aware of the Sandy Hook tragedy. My mind was spinning. How do parents find hope when they are faced with losing a child?
God. And the hope that God brings.
Eric and I have experienced God's redemptive qualities time and time again through our experience with Eli. Our marriage is better for what we have gone through with Eli. We have had a front row seat to some amazing miracles! We never have to doubt God's presence in our life and whether God is really real.
He has made His presence known.
Through this miscarriage, I have been now been given the gift of being able to relate to the 1 out of about every 3 pregnant women who miscarry.
Even though my faith in being able to carry any more children has been shaken, I know with God anything is possible.
Even though my heart feels like it is broken into a million tiny pieces, I know God's heart is breaking too.
I have faith that God is going to redeem this experience and turn it into something amazing.
It's our job, to keep our faith and hope in Him.