Ever since I can remember, I have longed to be a mother. It
started as a young girl, playing with dolls and practicing my “mommy” skills,
and grew into babysitting for any and all families with children that I
possibly could. So on that brisk Sunday afternoon when I took that pregnancy
test because I “just didn’t feel quite right,” and it revealed a shockingly
positive result, I felt overjoyed, shocked, and blessed. We had only begun
trying just a few weeks before and it happened so quickly. Wow. Ryne and I were
about to be parents! I loved this child so much already.
Well for several weeks we endured the very
exciting firsts of being pregnant and fantasized about what our lives were
about to be like as new parents. When we reached 20 weeks of pregnancy, we went
in for our traditional “20 week sonogram.” I was anxious, and excited. I had
dreamt about what it would be like to see our little peanut (that’s what we
called him before we knew it was a “him”). At the same time, I had my
reservations about what this experience would be like. My family has a strong
history of skeletal deformation of their hands, and I worried about our child
also having this deformation and what it might mean for their little life. Much
to my relief and surprise, we discovered that our little BOY had all of his
fingers and toes, and that was great! However, I noticed that when the sonogram
technician zoomed in on his feet, she had very little to say and asked for
clarification about the condition that runs in my family. I brushed it off, and
didn’t think much of it. When our sonogram was over, they transferred us to a
room and said that our doctor would be in shortly to discuss the sonogram with
us. Okay, I thought, normal protocol. We are in the clear. Fingers and toes are
in check. Good to go. When our doctor entered a few moments later, all I really
remember are the words, possibility, and clubfeet. This was when the whirlwind
that is now our lives began. My thoughts immediately went to the worst possible
picture of Chinese bound feet that you could imagine and I fought back tears
sitting on the table in that room in the doctors office. We were referred to a perinatal specialist
and sent on our way. I walked out of that office like a disoriented victim of a
disaster.
Over the next eight months of
my pregnancy, the Lord reminded me how incredibly blessed I was to have the
child I was about to give birth to. God worked through so many
people to give us comfort and support. So many of our friends and family prayed
every day for our sweet little man. Two very moving events happened when I was
still pregnant that will forever remain pivotal points in our journey. A long
time family friend and pastor of my husband’s family also had a baby born with
clubfeet (it’s really more common than one might think.) They reached out to us
and took us to coffee, shared their story, pictures, and prayed with us as
well. How incredible it was to know we had people so close that had gone
through everything we were about to experience as parents of a clubfoot baby.
The other was one evening at a meeting for our children’s ministry. We were
really struggling with a lot of different things in our lives at that time, and
as we always did we closed our meeting in prayer. Our pastor and friends gathered around us, and prayed
for us. They laid hands on us, and our feet and prayed for our son. It was an
incredible moment.
Hudson Douglas Huff blessed our lives with his presence
September 19, 2012 at 10:14 p.m.
After ten long hours of labor, and 15 short
minutes of pushing…he was finally here! It’s hard to explain the feeling you
get when you look into your child’s eyes for the very first time. I had waited
my entire life for this moment. To be honest, those first
two days in the hospital I actually kind of forgot that he had clubfeet. So
many other more important things to focus on!
As we took our
sweet little boy out to the car and headed home, I had the same overwhelming
heavy feeling that I did the day we found out Hudson had clubfeet. I bawled. I
had to. I needed to get it all out. This wouldn’t be the last time either. We
had quite the journey ahead. For the
next several weeks we struggled to get into our new normal with our little man.
Like every mother, I worried about my new baby but I had other worries as well.
We checked his toes like we were supposed to, and tried to make him as
comfortable as possible. All I can remember is thinking that we just had to
make it to the next casting. Just like at Hudson’s first casting, I was
incredibly nervous at his cast removal and second casting. When the casts came
off, his poor baby feet were so wrinkled, bruised, and worst of all he had a
few pressure sores on his feet.
Oh, there I was again. Bawling. This was so
hard. I remember just praying. It was all I could do, just pray. So I did. One
day, when my cousin was visiting us, she told me about a bible verse that really
helped her after having her second son, Joshua 1:9 says,
We experienced many trying times in those first few months
with Hudson’s treatment. After getting his tenotomy procedure done on a Friday
afternoon our doctor sent us home. That night his casts bled through (as
expected) but much more than we had anticipated. There I was again, worried
sick. But, we made it through that too. His tenotomy actually went very well
& he recovered wonderfully.
Hudson has his casts removed and received his first brace 4
months ago. He is now 6 months old. Time flies. I want so badly to capture each
moment and hold them tight. It’s funny now to think that I was least worried
about the transition from the casts to the boots and bar as this was the most
difficult transition for Hudson. He had lived his little life in casts up to
that point, and I think he found some security in them. So not having them was
scary, I’m sure he felt weird and vulnerable. The first few nights we were up a
few times trying to make sure he was comfortable and adjusted but it was no
time before he was fully adjusted and learning to love his brace.
So that’s where we are now. Watching Hudson grow, and learn.
He does everything a typically developing baby should do. He cries, laughs,
eats, poops, rolls over, and grabs for anything he can get his little hands on!
I’m sure there will be moments that we will have to deal
with the ups and downs of Hudson’s club feet, but the most important thing I
will remember is that his feet are so very special. Just like he is. And while
those feet make him special to us, they do not and will not define him. I
cannot wait to watch my son grow into an incredible man of God who will go be
the hands and feet of Christ.
Oh my goodness. Precious! He is adorable and is so very blessed to have you two as parents!
ReplyDeleteI love you Anna, such a great story that God has made us a part of. Can't wait to tell our son all about this journey one day.
ReplyDeleteAnna, Thanks so much for sharing this! You are so strong and your story will touch many others lives that are dealing with this same thing. And Hudson is just so adorable! :)
ReplyDeleteO my word! You have no idea how much this has helped me! My son has club foot on the left side. He will be 6 weeks old in a fww dats and he just finished with his 4th and last cast. I was so excited to get him out of those casts but I had no idea he would have such a difficult time adjusting to his braces. He is so unhappy and it breaks my heart to see him this way. I feel so helpless! My hubby blames himself because he had club foot on his right side. We are both a mess and trying not to be around the baby. But this story and pictures has helped a lot. Reminds me of a quote a friend told me "God will never give you more than you can handle" I just need to remember that more often. Thank you so much for sharing.
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